Can anyone destroy all the watches in the world?
Can the angriest person break them into pieces?
Can the hottest guy melt them down?
Can the most heartbroken woman make time turn back?
Can the scariest villain corrupt the clocks' mechanism?
Or can an honest person assure me I have no need to be scared of the future?
I'm so confused right now. The only thing I know for sure is that I am happy. But the reason why isn't rational. Is the happiness sincere when you have no clue about your future? Or is it just a an illusion that may vanish tomorrow?
When I was younger I used to feel like this every time before I was going to travel. But the time it was stronger than ever was when I finished college. The relief. The expectation. And that month that I still had left before my dream became a day to day life fight. I agree that when something great is going to happen, the best part is the the period before it happens, those days you can't think about anything else but how happy you are gonna be for a little while.
So I got my law degree and could finally start planning my trip to LA but had no idea about what I was going to find or how much I'd like it here. I just knew I had to come. And those last days that I had left to be with my friends, family and boyfriend in my country were the happiest days of my life. I was so scared and happy. Now it's similar. I'm leaving LA, I have my plans to accomplish when I get back to Portugal and I have one month left here. And, surprisingly, this is the time I find myself doing more for my career. Sometimes I ask myself why, since I'm leaving. But people would also ask me why I kept investing on my relationship before I came here. There are things that may not make sense, but you fight for them because you just love them too much. Maybe someday you'll find out it was worth it.
If before I was devastated to leave the people I love and excited to pursuit my goals, now I'm excited because I'm about to see everybody and devastated to leave everything I have already accomplished for my career. I guess this expectation of something so wonderful as hugging my parents, my sister, my friends and seeing my ex-boyfriend, together with the hope that things may go well, justifies the way I'm feeling.
I just wanted time to stop because I'm afraid it will all go wrong. I'm afraid that I'll regret going back after taking the huge step of starting a new life here. I'm afraid people aren't the same because I wasn't there when their lives were changing and that they won't understand me. I'm afraid my parents won't accept that this is what I wanna do, that they will pressure me to be a lawyer or journalist or to work in a bank and that I will have to disappoint them by not doing what they would like me to do. I'm afraid that I'm too "something" for the Portuguese entertainment industry. I'm afraid it will take me too long to renew my Visa.
I'm scared. But I'll stick to the happiness until the moment of truth comes.
posted by Ana @ 3:15 PM
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Sassy Mohen said...
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