Friday, June 20, 2008
running from pain
So I guess I have been pushing back my emotional pain for quite some time now. I haven't cried about my dad in a couple days and I have actually felt like I am going to be ok. I got a great new job and I joined a gym and things seem to be going well. But it just kind of hit me today. I was working out at my new gym, which by the way is really cool, and it just sort of hit me. My dad is not here I can't tell him that I got a job or that I joined a gym or even see my new apartment. I can't tell him anything I can't hear his voice or ever get his advice again. God I just wish I could talk to him one more time. Hear his voice one more time see his face one more time, just one more time God Please!!!!!!!!!!! Why can't he just come back???? It all hit me like a tone of bricks right in the chest. It hurt so bad t felt lite I was having a heart attack. So I left the gym, which is in walking distance, and I started running, running so fast that I could hardly keep up with my feet. My legs were in so much pain and I could not even catch my breath and I thought that I just might projectile vomit right there on the street in front of my new apartment. But it felt better, even good compared to the pain that I was feeling earlier. It was only until after I got into my apartment that I broke down and cried. How messed up is that? I guess physical pain is easier to deal with and understand than emotional pain. I don't know. all I know is that this sucks and I need to find a way to keep going. "Just Keep a positive mental attitude!!" Shit! that is all I can say.
posted by Brigitte Ashley @ 9:27 PM
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3 Comments:
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June 21, 2008 9:39 AM ,
Sassy Mohen said...
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so i'm trying to think of something to respond with. But I can't really.
I'll say this though. your boyfriend just walked in on matt and I having sex.
if that doesn't make you laugh, I don't know what will besides MEOW
we discussed this last night. But I love you. -
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June 23, 2008 9:24 PM ,
Katie Coffman said...
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I'm not going to say that I feel your pain or anything, because I can't relate to what you're going through. All I can say it that you're a very strong woman and you can make it through this. I admire your courage and your ability to keep a happy face. But you don't have to all the time. There's nothing wrong with showing emotion.
You're amazing!
And you'll get an awesome ice cream cake on your second 23rd birthday! -
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June 24, 2008 5:19 PM ,
Marissa Crisafulli said...
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I'm really proud of you so far.
Your persistance in life at this time tells a lot about you as a person.
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