Monday, May 30, 2005
Is it Human to Unwant Others?
This realization has been slowly building inside of me. People, even nice good people, put others down and compare them as objects would be. This is done on a regular basis. There always seems to be something negative one person can say about another. I believe there are two types of putdowns, the first one is where you put yourself down because that is what you were trained to do by your friends and family (we usually ignore bullies). The second is when our family and friends put us down and limit our potential by defining us.
Time for a story: Today I met a family friend of my mother who has a young son. The boy was young enough that his voice still sounded like a girl and he clung all over his mother for attention and affection. The mother, unfortunately, never wanted the kid (as my mother later told me) and has since separated from the man who helped her get the child in the first place. I watched her push the kid away many times as he reached out to her and I saw her making faces of disgust and embarrassment as the child was rejected. How completely terrible? At least put the kid up for adoption or have an abortion or something! The problem is, she would never choose what was right for the child; she would be too self conscious to risk alienating herself from society and her friends to admit she had screwed up and ask for help. Society is a lot like our family and friends, it guides our minds into entrapment and we torture others with our problems instead of admitting they are our own.
Some people don't believe in abortion, okay thats fine with me, I respect your beliefs. I ask you to consider acknowledging the murders of fully functioning empowered adults by unaborted unwanted children. I believe that is precisely what happens when children are raised by parents who hate them (and tell them so on a regular basis through verbal and body language) and all the kid has is TV and reckless friends, drugs and alcohol to turn to. The kid grows up and shoots his classmates, he or she resorts to violence and hatred towards others (because that is all they have been given from their own parents). We are all capable of amazing things and it is sad to see that potential to amaze acted out in such terrible ways. Maybe it adds contrast to the adult lives of the rest of us "normals" but the contrast usually comes in the flavor crimson red.
My story doesn't stop there, even though that is the most drastic and immediate example. Each day I see and hear people around me naming other people, defining them into their current state, trapping them. Is it necessary for all of us to be the same? We all know it is a blessing to have diversity among our fellows because it helps round out our shortcomings (at which point we can feel perfect about ourselves and put others down). Isn't it sad that instead of appreciating our construction worker friends, and our young pregnant friends, those who dropped out to pursue their own path or join the military, isn't it sad that we cast them away? I admit I have almost forgotten my shortcomings as they were beaten into me by my peers in middle school. At least in middle school we all felt equal externally, while a select few suffered domestic abuse and mental suffocation. Just as we cast others away, we are casting a part of ourselves away; we are limiting our own potential to follow our hearts in new directions. We set up fences around ourselves and end up avoiding the potential for greatness out of fear for being called a hypocrite. Yes, a hypocrite... That is a powerful word isn't it? Kind of sounds like "Flip Flopper" and we all know the effects that word had on John Kerry during the elections. Hypocrite, it is quite possible the worst thing anyone could be called, it makes you human.
It truly is human to unwant others, even ourselves. My goal isn't to flood this post with negativity, just ask others to recognize their inner human and forgive it for being such a piece of shit. Yes, a bit extreme, I know... The next time you feel trapped, or maybe you are trapping others by talking behind their back (really trapping the people you are talking with, reminding them of what will happen behind their backs), just reread this post please. One of my good friends believes people are part animal and part angel, forgive yourself for all of the terrible things you feel and do. Make a mental change.
Encourage those around you for what you like about them, not the things you dislike. Everyone has potential to be great when encouraged. Don't let negative encouragement guide them astray. Don't let them hate themselves and shoot your kids at school, don't let them hate in groups and blow up our busses or our buildings, don't let them hate the way they were treated. Don't let them feel like you... As we encourage others we set ourselves free to encourage ourselves.
I want to contrast the writings above by explaining that I do not believe all people are equal, nor should they be treated as such. If someone earns a black eye, let them wear it. Be the one to offer a better way. Remind yourself that everyone can be happy, that is the only thing we all have equally in common. Different things make different people happy, money, attention, solitude... let them have it and do not feel ashamed to be richer or poorer. For sickness and in health we will always have the potential to encourage those around us.
posted by Court @ 3:15 PM
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